Hear Me
by liljemsey
Summary: Faith's cry for help in Season Three goes unheard by the one she needs it from the most.


**Disclaimer: **Joss Whedon owns everything associated with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Kelly Clarkson owns the lyrics to the song _Hear Me_.

**A/N: **This is set in Season 3 after Faith kills the Deputy Mayor. Instead of going to the Mayor she stays with the Scoobies but is having trouble dealing with what happened and this is a story about her cry for help. Enjoy.

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_You gotta be out there  
You gotta be somewhere  
Wherever you are  
I'm waiting_

_'Cause there are these nights when  
I sing myself to sleep  
And I'm hopin' my dreams  
Bring you close to me  
Are you listening?_

She was drowning. She knew it deep down inside but would never admit it to herself. They knew it as well, they could see the signs but were all too wrapped in their own issues to burden themselves with hers. There had of course been feeble offers to help, but they had been said without the conviction or follow up that she needed. The offer had come from the blonde girl whose help she desperately wanted but would never admit to needing. The blonde girl who felt comfortable enough to express how she was feeling about the incident in the alley that had changed everything for the two of them.

She did everything she was supposed to do. She showed up for Scooby meetings, but she was merely a shell of the girl she used to be. Where there had once been sarcastic comments and sexual innuendos there was now quiet compliance and a seriousness and solemnity that had never been there before. The dimples that had once been present almost all the time as she smirked and teased the others hadn't made an appearance in weeks and she couldn't remember the last time she laughed.

She was haunted by his image and his voice which always seemed to be whispering in her ear about how worthless and insignificant she was. The guilt seemed to be literally eating her alive. Her once formidable appetite which had put even teenage boys to shame had disappeared and she seemed to be fading away. While the others had noticed the change in her figure they had all rationalised it within their own minds never feeling the need to ask her about it. No one recognised it as a cry for help going unanswered.

_Hear me  
I'm cryin' out  
I'm ready now  
Turn my world upside down  
Find me  
I'm lost inside the crowd  
It's getting loud  
I need you to see  
I'm screaming for you to please  
Hear me_

When the two went out to slay she was quiet and would nod or offer an almost silent response to her blonde counterpart who talked almost constantly to compensate for the silence of her partner. While her recklessness in slaying had once been questioned, there was no doubt when watching her now that she cared little for her own safety and would often take on much more than she could chew. Her blonde counterpart always seemed to arrive at just the right time to help out but never received words of gratitude from the other. The silence and indifference of her actions in other areas of life were completely juxtaposed with how she was once night fell. She was violent and her growls and screams of frustration and fury could be heard throughout the entire cemetery as she battled with the forces of darkness.

She was confused, she was angry, she was devastated, she was ashamed and she was consumed by a self hatred so strong that it felt like it was seeping out of her pores. What was killing her the most was that she knew she needed help and she knew who she needed and wanted it from and yet she didn't seem to even register to the blonde Slayer. It seemed that Buffy was willing to help everyone but her. Her murdering un-dead boyfriend needed her, the red headed witch needed her and the brown haired jokester needed her so she turned a blind eye to the one that was silently screaming and pleading for her attention.

_I used to be scared of  
Letting someone in  
But it gets so lonely  
Being on my own  
No one to talk to  
And no one to hold me  
I'm not always strong  
Oh, I need you here  
Are you listening?_

When she was growing up she had witnessed literally the worst in human nature. She had seen what drugs and alcohol had done to her mother and she had sworn to herself that she would never turn out the way her mother had and yet here she was drowning her sorrows. It had started not long after the Deputy Mayor had died when she felt like the guilt was swallowing her whole and making it hard for her to breathe. She liked the way the whiskey numbed the pain and for those blissful couple of minutes before she passed out she could escape from the constant twisting of guilt in her stomach.

She sat at the Bronze at the far end of the bar, hiding herself in the shadows a bottle of Jack Daniels nursed in her lap. She could see the rest of the gang out on the dance floor obviously having a good time, the light bouncing off the blonde hair that swished as the other Slayer twirled around laughing as she did so. She was glad for the darkness that shielded her from their view, she was ashamed as they danced and she sat there barely able to hold her own head up as she swayed in her seat.

She was glad that no one had approached her looking to get lucky because she highly doubted in the state she was in that she would have had the strength and coordination to fight them off. She watched as the blonde hugged her friends goodbye and turned into the arms of her boyfriend as the music slowed. She watched as the couple swayed to the music and laughed bitterly to herself as she took a swig from the bottle and imagined what it would feel like to be held in those strong arms. She watched from the darkness as the two shared an intimate kiss and welcomed the darkness that surrounded her frowning her as the world around her got blurry. It wasn't until a splash of how wetness scolded the cold of her skin that she realised she was crying and she laughed bitterly again as she took another swig from the bottle, relishing in the feeling as it burnt the back of her throat.

She watched as the blonde Slayer watched as her boyfriend disappeared into the darkness and then flinched as she turned and stared straight into the dark corner where she herself sat. She held her breath as the blonde girl stared at her, still not certain that she could actually see her. It was only when she began walking slowly towards her that she felt the dull buzzing of their connection tingling down her spine that she had been dulled from the whiskey coursing through her veins that she knew the blonde girl had been aware that she was there the entire time.

"Faith," was all her blonde counterpart said when she came to stand in front of her.

She didn't reply, couldn't find the words, instead she stared into those dark green eyes as she took another drink from the bottle.

"Faith let's get you home," the blonde girl tried again.

"I'm fine," she muttered under her breath, knowing that with their Slayer hearing that the blonde girl had heard her.

The blonde girl tried to take the bottle from her hands but she pulled it away roughly taking another swig as she did so.

"Faith come on," the blonde girl said again and the compassion she heard in her voice made her shake with rage.

_I'm restless and wild  
I fall, but I try  
I need someone to understand  
Can you hear me?  
I'm lost in my thoughts  
And baby I've fought  
For all that I've got  
Can you hear me?_

"I said I'm fine," she screamed throwing the bottle at the wall as she did so. As it shattered everyone in the club seemed to quiet and turn to face them.

"Faith you're obviously not fine, let's get you out of here and we can talk about it," the blonde Slayer said reaching forward and taking hold of Faith's arm and pulling her up to stand.

"Get offa me," she slurred pulling her arm roughly from the blonde girl's grip, stumbling forward for a few steps before falling awkwardly to the floor, unable to gain control over her limbs in her inebriated state.

"Faith just let me help you," the blonde Slayer said kneeling down so she was face to face with the fallen girl.

She laughed and it sounded foreign even to her own ears. It was shallow and as much as she tried to hide it she couldn't help the sob that escaped at the end.

"You wanna help me, you Miss Holier Than Thou Buffy wants to help me," she laughed again struggling to get her arms and legs to work the way she wanted. Before she knew what was happening the blonde girl had scooped her up and had carried her out of the club.

"Put me the fuck down," she yelled struggling as much as she could until the blonde girl did dump her unceremoniously on the ground.

"Faith, I know you're hurting I've seen it over the last couple of weeks and I want to help I do," Buffy said.

"Yeah you've seen it you've all seen it, poor fucked up little Faithy's gone and killed a man, poor good for nothing Faithy's turning out just like good old Ma just like they all said she would, poor little Faithy's ended up screwing up over and over again just like she was born to," Faith yelled into the night. She couldn't bring herself to look at the blonde girl, ashamed that she had expressed even anything to her.

"You're not a screw up Faith, it, it wasn't all your fault, I know I've been wrapped up in all the Angel issues and I've been selfish I realised it when I saw you there tonight that I've been ignoring the problem because it was easier to deal with Angel then deal with you and I'm sorry, I really am but I can see it so clearly now, you tried to get my attention so many times and I let you down and I'm so sorry for that," Buffy finished, tears begin to fall from her eyes.

She reached up and touched the blonde girl's cheeks softly, brushing away the tears and looking at them astonishedly as they glinted in the moonlight.

"I noticed you've been so quiet and I wanted to help but I didn't know what to say. I was avoiding my role in the whole thing and my acknowledging that there was something wrong with you it would mean accepting my role in his death, and I, I just wasn't ready for that. But I knew you needed me, I could see it in your eyes, I could see it in the way you slayed, just looking at you it was obvious you were sorry for what you were done, your eyes were so haunted and everytime you looked at me it was like you were screaming for my help, and I gave you no reason to think that I would, but I did and I do Faith, I want to help I do please just let me help you," Buffy sobbed.

"You, you could hear me," Faith said softly, and that was all it took for all her defences to fall. Before she knew it she was curled into the smaller girl's arms, clinging to the material of her shirt as she sobbed into her chest, crying for all the hardships in her life. She cried for all those times she had been abused as a child, she cried for her mother, she cried for her Watcher, she cried for Alan Finch and finally she cried for the blonde Slayer whose strong arms she finally found herself in.

**A/N: **I started off with an idea for this fic and I'm not sure how it turned out but I just wanted to post it so I did. Some of you might enjoy it so let me know what you think.


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